Titans for Sale

The Titans are currently worth north of $700 million. That’s obviously not enough for Bud Adams. When you’re an NFL owner, there’s no such thing as too much money. It doesn’t really matter who you get it from, like the criminals who ran Adelphia Communications into the ground and originally named the Titans’ stadium.

I am making no accusations against the new namers of The Coliseum. I’m sure that Louisiana-Pacific, now headquartered in Nashville, is a fine company. Their investment of $2 million per year to name L-P Field (just rolls off the tongue) looks like a good one to date.

I say that because L-P Field was all but tattooed on every Titan fan at the home opener. Lanyards (those necklace thingys that allow you to keep your ticket in pristine condition) declared this the Inaugural Game of L-P Field. I can’t wait to tell my grandkitties. Not only that, there was a goofy cartoon featuring L-P Man, who apparently is a roofer, during the third quarter. He fought off evil subcontractors wearing Jets gear. Sadly the subcontractors threw one too many soft but accurate pass and won the day.

I didn’t have high expectations going into the Titans opener this year. They sucked last year and didn’t give me any impressions of imminent improvement this year. The move of the offseason was signing Kerry Collins ten days before the season opener. See, Billy Volek couldn’t pick up the offense during two offseasons, but Collins could cram for a weekend and have it down. So we got to see Volek pout on the sideline as the third QB, and Collins played like the wily veteran who either throws the ball too high or too low, never just right. The one time he was just right was when the ball went right into Ben Troupe’s hands. Troupe bobbled the ball twice into the waiting arms of a Jet defender.

My parents have excellent seats in the end zone. Sadly, at least one obnoxious fan of the opposition gets a nearby seat. This time it was Jerry Jet who took himself way too seriously. He did have a nice Vilma jersey, although I think he was more of a Browning Nagle kind of guy.

The team looked like seven kinds of crap for the first three quarters. The only saving grace was Mike Nugent kicking like he had money on the Titans. When the team rallied from a 16-point deficit I was ecstatic. The 25-10 drubbing of the Ravens last year was a single moment of joy in a season of suckage. Maybe this year we’d see a little magic. Sadly the Jets too easily scored the winning points and the Titans ended eight yards short. It was then I realized that other than the Texans, the Titans would play no weaker team this year. Sigh.

I did go 5-0 in fantasy this weekend. The top win was taking my dad out in the AUFL. The key to winning in head to head often comes down to scoring the 10th-most points but playing the team that scores the 12th most. If my dad had stared Drew Bennett, my fantasy nemesis, he would have won. A QB trio of Plummer, Simms, and Carr doesn’t help me much.

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