When to let go, and when to take responsibility

Proving that I haven’t gotten over last Saturday’s game (just ask my voice), I have been compiling a song list to cover my feelings. I am listening to all of the songs in my iPod in alphabetical order (current song: Famous Polka by They Might Be Giants), and while I’ve been at it, I have come up with a few playlists and songs to delete. Here’s Titans’ postmortem song list:

Countless Backs of Sad Losers: Jesus Lizard

Falling to Pieces: Faith No More

Loser: Beck

Happiness Train: The Sugar Bears (How did that get in there? I can’t help but love that song.)

I’m a Loser: Beatles

Farewell to the King: Linus of Hollywood

Finale: Tom Hedden (NFL Films music)

Find a Way to Say Goodbye: Blue Rodeo

The Ravens are a bunch of thoughtless, criminal assholes whose lives are empty pathetic shells except for football, which they happen to be very good at: Toby Keith

I would say I am progressing well. And that’s the way I stay until I am reminded that the Cardinals are still alive in the playoffs.

A personal item reminded me that there are failures not Titan-related that I am very much responsible for. I am taking a set of courses to get a certificate in Web development at Emory. I take a class that’s either one or two days long, then I get a test. I have to pass the test with a 75% or better. There are two attempts. This allows me to recount all of the dreams I’ve had over the past decade in which I’m about to take a test and am not prepared.

I took the Dreamweaver course last December. I’ve been using Dreamweaver for a couple of years, so I thought the class and the test would be a cinch. I took the test a couple of days after the class was over so I’d be fresh. I scored a 37 out of 50. That’s a 74%. I knew from previous history that each test contains a good percentage of the same questions. I took it again immediately. I felt better, but when the score came out, I got a 74% again. Are you kidding me? My penalty was to audit the class and take the test again. I didn’t want to do that, so I avoided it for the past few weeks. Today I took my medicine and called the office. Yep, I have to audit the class. It’s happening the following two Saturdays. I suppose it’s a good thing that the Titans lost, so now I can take these classes over and try to forward my career.

I’m trying to figure out the failure hierarchy. Failing is bad. Failing others is really bad. Failing yourself is the worst. I’ve already had to audit one class, and I’m not even into the “tough” classes. It almost makes me miss those dreams.

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