Zachrilege: Pre Vas

What is manhood in the 21st century? That’s a tough question, and not at all what I’ll address in today’s blog post.

I’m getting a vasectomy in two hours. In about an hour I’ll head to the doctor’s office and the procedure will be over quicker than a lunch break at work. I’m prepared for the aftermath. I have about 20 hours of TiVo’d entertainment along with three movies from the library and two books. My laptop and beer cooler will be there “in case” as well.

I am a veteran of surgery recovery. This will be my first post-surgery experience in the Man Cave. Previous recoveries had me sitting on the couch, watching something passive like the first season of Angel on DVD. It’s a good idea when taking heavy meds to watch a program that you’ve seen before. That way you don’t miss a thing.

Rules for surgery recovery:

Let the spouse call the shots. How is this different than normal, you ask? I do call the shots on all NFL Sundays, provided I ask permission a month in advance. If she says you should sit on the couch and drool to VH1, do it. I had my appendix out in 2008 and thought I’d be back at the gym in two days. I was on my butt for a week.

Even though you’ve eaten everything known to man the past month due to Thanksgiving/Christmas/those insanely good peanut butter cups you get at Trader Joe’s with the dark chocolate, do not count calories during recovery. Have milkshakes. A plate of fries is an excellent midnight, mid-day, and mid-meal snack.

Do not worry about having to always “do” something. That’s what the pills are for. You are in recovery. Sorry that your blog audience in the low dozens will have to choose from the other 700 options.

Like every vacation, the recovery will be over before you know it. ┬áIf you’re asking for a foot rub and a sponge bath two weeks later, you may need an intervention.

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