Fantasy Files: Navigating Bye Weeks Like a Drunk NFLer Leaving a Strip Club

Bye weeks make fantasy football great. I also despise them. It’s like a video game that keeps throwing harder and harder challenges with each board. Week 4 was the appetizer with the Steelers and the Colts. This week the Broncos, Falcons, Dolphins, Chiefs, Chargers and Eagles are on a bye. Yes, there even are quality fantasy options on the Chiefs and Dolphins.

The mighty AUFL: I headed into this week with major bye-week pains in the arse. Ryan Mathews, out. DeSean Jackson, out. Brian Hartline, out, although he took his bye week early. Dolphins D, out. Both my kickers, out. Holy shitballs.

I’ll not even get into my injured/questionable guys like Jimmy Graham/Trent Richardson/Brandon Lloyd. Like an NFL player who’s covered in bruises but not “officially” hurt, you have to work through the pain. I picked up Felix Jones , and either he’s going to get 150 total yards or will limp off the field with 13 minutes to go in the first quarter. There is no third option.

If Graham is out, I have to dump Celek to pick up an utterly crappy tight end who probably will score four points. If Richardson is out, Montario Hardesty is on the wire but I’d have to scramble because Jonathan Stewart would have to go and he’s in my flex position. The only non-bye player I have on my roster is Hasselbeck who is my QB2. The good news is my opponent had all three QBs on bye this week and will start John Skelton.

In my dynasty league, I considered dropping Hardesty a couple of weeks ago since Chris Ogbonnaya was on the field and he wasn’t. This week I might start Hardesty. Hint: In a dynasty league with 53 roster spots, never drop a running back. Never.

I’d like to say that getting Cam Newton off his bye is a relief. He’s better than freaking Matt Schaub. The weakest link of my Forte/Rice/Murray trio has been Murray, so maybe I won’t miss him. Richardson could have 20 touches this week or two. Hardesty is a flex/desperation play. I get my dream trio of wideouts for the first time all year in Cruz/Denarius/Nicks. It’s a matter of throwing in an Andrew Hawkins/Sidney Rice/Kendall Wright at flex or going with Hardesty or even Michael Bush. I do lose Tony G for the week but will put in Heath Miller. How he didn’t score a TD against the Titans is a medical miracle.

Start Mario Williams against the Titans? Check. My linebackers are going to be trouble with Donald Butler and Justin Houston on byes. See, I
told you the Chiefs had one good player. The Titans throw more than any team other than the Saints so look for Bryan Scott to be on the field more than usual and he might put up numbers like in the Patriots game.

I’m lost without Finnegan and “Peanut” Tillman getting their weekly pick six. Make it’s Mark Barron’s turn.

I had my nightmare bye week in week five in the 2 Mugs league. I’m missing Dwayne “Wayne” Bowe and Ronnie Hillman this year. Oh yeah, and Murray. The fantastic Mark St. Amant, who will be my Ask Your Fantasy Football Expert for next week, bid $61 out of our $100 budget for Felix Jones. In terms of raw talent, he’s probably the best waiver wire RB that will come available for the rest of the year. The problem is he eats his sushi fried and has been out of shape.

Talk about a snakebit team. I drafted Chris Johnson, DeMarco Murray, DeAngelo Williams and I’ve won three games? Talk about a miracle.

Do what I haven’t done and look at your upcoming bye weeks and plan your waiver picks accordingly. You don’t want to be out of roster options when injuries hit.

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