Ask Your Fantasy Football Beach Dude: John Evans of the Xs and Ys Podcast

"She scores big points for digging the braces. That’s like loving a man with a wooden leg. Don’t hear that every day!"

Who would enjoy a Denver Broncos’ Super Bowl defeat more than a Raiders fan? OK, bitter Tom Brady fans come pretty close. Oh, sorry John, didn’t mean to bring up that name. John Evans is the Y in the Xs and Ys Guide to Fantasy Football podcast. Is he part of the most attractive fantasy podcast in the land? How’s a Raider guy writing for a Chiefs site? Oh, right, questions are below.

How’d you get to meet The FF Girl aka Liz Loza and decide to start a podcast now known as “The Xs and Ys Guide to Fantasy Football”? Liz recently posted a blog about this on TheFantasyFootballGirl.com and she tells the story well. I will add to that by saying she was reading an article on a plane that my friend @AmyLAWriter wrote about women embracing football. Liz saw that Amy lived in Los Angeles and reached out. Amy and I convene most Sundays during the season and one fateful day, Liz joined us. I remember her asking if I was wearing Raiders underwear, a comment I found a bit saucy. She also screamed “KUHNNNN!” when the Packers fullback scored a touchdown, which turned heads at the bar and was doubly surprising given that Liz is a Bears fan. I could tell this person had plenty of personality. We cooked up a “he said, she said” approach to fantasy football talk. At that time, just three years ago, there weren’t all that many podcasts out there and we didn’t think anyone was doing what we had in mind. In 2013 ESPN rolled out the His and Hers Podcast just as we made that our name. [Zach note: Thieving thieves.] So we stuck with Xs and Ys, which is actually a chromosome pun, but I don’t know how many people get it because we’re often called Xs and Os. [Zach note: Bill Nye thinks it’s hilarious.]

Do you continue the podcast during the offseason, and what’s in store for Season 4 (Please, no season 3 cliffhangers involving going commando)? I already mentioned underwear so I’ll accede to your wishes on this one. Liz and I aren’t making any money on this show so the thought of doing it 52 weeks a year feels like a bit much. I also suspect that going year-round would jeopardize our volatile chemistry, which is a pillar of the show. So our plans are to show up during the free agency period, then before and after the NFL Draft. Back to a normal schedule in early August — weekly shows through the Super Bowl. At some point we’ll do a goofy YouTube short of some kind. It’s percolating. [Zach note: Everyone creeps closer to year-round coverage, just how Roger Goodell wants it.]

I am officially confused on your personal NFL loyalty. I saw the Bo Jackson jersey but there’s the writing gig with ChiefsSpin.com. ‘Splain yourself. Either you are recently depressed from the Chiefs’ playoff debacle or long-term depressed from the Raiders. What’s the deal? I am long-term depressed for sure, and the Raiders are just the tip of the iceberg. Though they certainly suck and have for a long time, I can’t quit them. It’s beyond monogamy and somewhere in the realm of unhealthy attachment. This team is like the embarrassing uncle you can’t believe is actually related to you, but blood is thicker than water. I just mixed multiple metaphors in the last three sentences and ended up with something truly disturbing. Regardless, when this team is good again Raider Nation will be insufferable — including me — so buckle up.

As for ChiefsSpin.com, I was invited by a distinguished reporter to write fantasy content for that site, which is affiliated with USA Today. I was grateful for the opportunity but I was not asked to cover the Chiefs or pledge allegiance to them in any way. Which I would not have done, even if they were paying me. Well, depends on how much. Beer money would have me wearing red and doing the chop.

Will you be back with Fantasy Football Warehouse in 2014 for more Fantasy Futures? That’s the plan, though I have projects in the works at Fantasy Football Oasis and I will be doing redraft rankings for them in 2014. I’ve never done rankings before and believe projections are the foundation for rankings, so my big offseason task is to generate projections for every player in the NFL, game by game. My calculator brain just made an O face.

Is it just a matter of time before LA gets an NFL franchise or two? I may be in the ground by then, but with my hard-drinking ways it might not be that long after all. Honestly I have given up hope for a team here. The market is too valuable to the league and individual owners as a way to extort better deals from existing NFL cities. Once we have a team here, they lose leverage. For instance, I just saw that the Rams’ owner bought a potential stadium lot in Inglewood. He’s just pulling a scare tactic on St. Louis. I don’t see a site getting approval here because the Los Angeles bureaucracy has proven impenetrable. It’s Kafkaesque.

Are y’all the most attractive fantasy football podcast duo, besides Cecil Lammey and Sigmund Bloom, of course?
It depends on what you’re into. Sig and Cecil bring the sexy every show, in my opinion. [Zach note: The “will they or won’t they” drags out longer than Moonlighting.] I don’t know what Fleeger and Briggs look like but if you’re into the manly cowboy drawl, they blow us out of the water. But I suppose we do have something of the L.A. Ken and Barbie thing going on. I don’t think we’d be allowed to broadcast here if we didn’t. It may be a city ordinance.

How did your 2013 fantasy season turn out? Very well, thanks for asking! Won four out of nine leagues, second place in another. Three of those five non-playoff teams were long-term dynasty projects I knew in August I would spend the season preparing for 2014 and beyond. Only one team was derailed by injuries.

Is it painful to see two former AFC West division rivals playing in the Super Bowl? Not at all, actually. I have really enjoyed the Broncos’ 2013 team, both from the fantasy perspective and the Peyton Manning storyline (though they are largely one and the same). I can’t root for the Ponies but this offense has made the NFL more fun and will be a huge part of what we remember about the 2013 season. I will miss Peyton when he walks away and think his whole journey from the brink of injury-induced retirement (or worse) to breaking records is a pretty inspirational story. [Zach note: Question asked before the beat-down.]

As for Seattle, I lived near there for five of the best years of my life and rooted for the Seahawks during that period. Still put them right behind my Raiders on my infamous 32-team hierarchy (yes, I ranked the league in terms of my affection). This is also a franchise that has endured a lot of lean years, like the magnificently awful 1992 team, which scored 8.8 points per game behind the quarterback carousel of Kelly Stouffer, Dan McGwire and the great Stan Gelbaugh. I’m happy for the fan base, which rightly feels invested in the team’s success because of their contributions on all those raucous gamedays at Qwest/CenturyLink/Seattle’s Best Coffee Stadium.

Liz mentioned that you have “sexy braces”. Please comment on this. Liz clearly has an unusual fetish, which to my knowledge has yet to find its way into an AVN Awards category. But that day may be coming. Unfortunately, I’m unlikely to accept the prize because these goddamned things are coming off in May or June.

What’s the day job? It’s kind of a day and night job, but I make my own hours. I am a freelance writer/copy editor/script analyst. I make a living reading screenplays, proofreading novels and publicity materials, and writing ad copy for websites. Some months I do fairly well, other months I’m wondering where rent is coming from. Also trying to write The Great American Horror Movie™. [Zach note: It should involve zombies and Raiders fans.]

The spouse question: Does your wife/sig other/girlfriend have any issues with your football obsession? I don’t know, ask her that when you find her, because I haven’t yet. Somehow being a struggling writer/fantasy football impresario hasn’t convinced many ladies that I am the man of their dreams. I did end a three-month relationship in August because I knew it would interfere with football season… I don’t online date and meeting women in bars has been my M.O. for a long time. With an M.O. that unsuccessful I would have been caught years ago if I was a serial killer. Maybe jokes like that are why I’m not married.

Football or sex: which do you think of more? Sex, and considering how much I think about football, that puts me in Charlie Sheen territory. [Zach note: #winning]

Where are you on the usual football Sunday? I assume there’s a man cave. Au contraire. I am a social watcher as much as possible. Though Red Zone certainly has me happily ensconced on my couch for a lot of early games. The aforementioned @AmyLAWriter and I, with a revolving cast of guest stars, usually gather at a sports bar or someone’s house (sometimes with Liz). I don’t really have a man-cave. I have sort of a man-hovel. The TV is fairly big but I live in a one-bedroom apartment near the beach. No frills.

Tell me about a hobby/interest outside of football. I practice daily meditation, smoke cigars and lift weights. But I must not be meant to get ripped because I never seem to get bigger or stronger. Maybe you have to lift weights more than twice a week? Nah, must be genetics.

Tell me about any plugs that you’d like. Podcasts, sites that you write for, expert leagues, anything. A big shout-out to Fantasy Football Warehouse and Fantasy Football Oasis for giving me a podium from which to make brilliant predictions like “Jawan Jamison is going to be a star!” When I showed up on Twitter with zero followers, Dave Cherney told the fantasy community I was legit, which is a white lie if ever I’ve seen one. Generally if he’s involved in something you should pay attention. He must have been having an off day. Finally, I’ve ridden Liz Loza’s coattails this far and if I want to keep it going, I’d better give her a shout-out. Stop by her site and bask in the glory.

Thanks for the memories, John. Good luck in writing the Great American Remake. Follow him on Twitter, for the love of all things Al Davis.

Want to support the site or just like reading about fantasy football experts? Then buy my book There Still Is No Off Season: Interviews 51-100 of the Ask Your Fantasy Football Expert Series.

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