Fantasy Files: Cleatgate and how to drink more beer

I was going to post a “live blog” about my Sunday afternoon activities. It would have gone something like this:

12:02 p.m.: Opened first beer, Bell’s Best Brown (16 ounce can, 54 degrees fahrenheit at opening), cleaned and fired up Big Green Egg

12:07 p.m.: Had to delay workout (walking at medium pace due to back injury sustained doing a hungover Beach Body routine a month ago) due to cramp in upper right thigh

12:55 p.m.: Had to stop episode of Daredevil, wondering when he’s going to get that stupid costume made and I have an ex-boss who looked exactly like The Kingpin. Also, the Kingpin seems about as bad at his job, other than beating people up, than Rams ownership.

1:01 p.m: Give sigh of relief that 1 p.m. games start and I can stop worrying whether to start Sammy Watkins or Devontae Booker.

1:10 p.m.: Remove onion burgers from grill (actual ingredients: ground chuck, onions) along with “fry medley” of regular and sweet potato

1:14 p.m.: Finish eating burger and fries. See that Eric Ebron actually has a catch today.

1:30 p.m.: Beer one is gone. Opened a Double Brown Throwdown from Rogue.

1:41 p.m.: Finally delete eighth attempt to tweet joke about Jeff Fisher’s missing challenge flag.

2:06 p.m.: Beer two is gone. Opened a Sam Adams Octoberfest in December. Will beer snobs respect me in the morning?

3:12 p.m.: Zzzzzzzzz

7:36 p.m.: My opponent started Jason Witten (goose egg), Kenny Stills and Shaun Draughn and I’m still sweating this? I’m never getting a DraftKings commercial.

8:12 p.m.: This really isn’t the time to open that bomber. Oak-Aged Yeti Imperial Stout, here we come!

9:12 p.m.: Thomas Rawls, beast mode!

9:14 p.m.: Zzzzzzz

The Titans are upset that they can’t wear their special cleats because the NFL did it last week and the Titans were on a bye. Is that bulletin-board material?

The only reason I didn’t start Colin Kaepernick is that my friend cut Andrew Luck this week and nobody else in my league noticed.

I felt tight end immortal, probably like Daredevil the first time he wore that suit (good thing mirrors are wasted on him) when I had Gronk and Bennett. Now I have nothing.

I was as mad at the Eagles for their two garbage-time TDs (Bengals D shareholder) as Eagles fans are at Pederson. Wait, you expected this team to compete this year?

At least you didn’t trade two draft picks for Sam Bradford and expect to make the playoffs. That would be so tragic.

I’m pretty sure the concussion protocol test is open book. Yeah, I’m the asshole who was annoyed when Thomas Rawls didn’t do much after his 100-yard, two-TD first half.

I did defeat the strong-livered Jen Ryan this week in fantasy (assuming the Colts don’t completely collapse). She doesn’t care because her Cowboys had a dream weekend of winning and sitting on the couch to watch the rest of their NFC East foes implode.

Speaking of imploding, I’ll just assume that teams who are up one late in the fourth quarter are going to take a knee for their two-point play.

The Titans get the Broncos and KC (sorry, kind of hate the team name there) and I doubt they will lose on a two-point play but time will tell. I’m looking forward to seeing the Titans play a good defense.

The way Larry Fitzgerald plays now, we’d expect that his 1100 career catches went for about 7000 yards.

I had a bye week in the Scott Fish BowlWeek 13 and that might have been my second bye week ever. In my Yahoo league I set up the playoffs as 8 team instead of 6 because unlike college football, I think more playoff teams is more fun.

Congrats to Josh Deceuster, who will be working in New Orleans shortly and will be in Atlanta for New Year’s Eve to watch Alabama play Washington. Can they convince Alabama that it’s that Sugar Bowl game they hand out to the fourth-place SEC school now, because that’s the only time Alabama doesn’t show up.

I know Josh won’t approve, but I prefer a little chocolate in my stout. I’m saying Brooklyn Chocolate Stout > Oak-Aged Yeti but I’m willing to give the chocolate version a shot.

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