Ask Zach: June 14 Edition

What’s new in the life of Zach? I haven’t met one of my interview subjects for beers in ten days. That’s called withdrawal, people. I’m still writing for the Bleach, and that breaking story about Jake Locker’s new highlights can wait.

Yeah, Football Guys is doing the interview thing, stomping all over my corner by asking questions to nearly my entire lineup to date. What do I have to say? They interviewed me, too. I’m in that iPad magazine they’re working on. If the interviews are in order of importance, you should find me around page 100,000. Too much with the self-deprecation? Give me a break; I’m the first guy who’s ever followed an episode of Breaking Bad with an episode of Bunheads. More people died in the Bunheads episode. What, too soon?

On with the questions.

From @rumfordjohnny, who would be my phone a friend to make an 80s wrestling reference that I wouldn’t get:

How about “first draft of the year” rituals/superstitions?

I have one live draft a year. This year will be our 12th consecutive year doing so. We used to have a tradition of getting shitfaced, sleeping it off, then having a post-draft party that night with the families. This year we decided to draft later and make the party directly after the draft. Not so much with the shitfaced this year. I have to admit, I missed the hangover. There were a few years in which I’d crack a Corsendonk or two. That’s the hard-core Belgian shit, and not that IPA junk that half my followers love.

Feast your eyes on this.

I haven’t won the league title since the year before I was married, and my ninth anniversary is this October. You know what? I may let Twitter make my draft picks for me. It’s August 25, so be prepared.

From @chet_g, who quite possibly ghost wrote one or two of the holy books:

Why are people so dumb?

There’s not a ton of incentive to be smart. You can get pretty far if you’re dumb. The smart people who are happier are the ones who know how to dull their minds with strong drink. Not every night, mind you.

From @andrewmiley, who owns a wrestling championship belt and probably loves it more than all of his Steelers memorabilia put together:

Watch Jim Rome interviewing Stern for how and what to ask. As Alex Trebek would say, that’s not in the form of a question. I’ll answer anyway because Andy’s a good guy. I’d love to see how Stern (I’m assuming Daniel here) would answer my “football or sex” question. I love a good smackdown, but if a guy doesn’t get personal, why go personal the other way? If I ever got to interview Roger Goodell, he’d probably try to strangle me at one point while simultaneously doing one-arm pushups.

Some bacon-eater named @pacingpete has a query:

If you had to drink only one beer during a game, what would it be?

I’m going to assume that Pete meant one brand of beer for the entire game, because only a guy who thinks that Jerry Jones was the brainchild behind the early 90s Cowboys would drink one beer for an entire day of football. I’d go Fat Tire. That Belgian stuff will mess you up if you drink a lot of it in one sitting.

I’ll give @fantasyacumen one of his three questions:

Should someone muzzle Chris Berman? ESPN needs to invent an Announcer Emeritus position, tell him that he’s getting this giant award if he’d just walk this way and go all Cask of Amontillado on his ass.

I know, I’m reminding too many people of the ending of this week’s premiere episode of Bunheads. If Berman wants to announce golf, he’s exactly what you masochists who enjoy the sport deserve.

I have one more from @Chase_DFW, who is well-named because you have to chase him around the Internet to find where he’s writing this week:

Better hair: David Yost or John Daly?

Chase is an Arkansas fan so he’s used to me giving him guff. He probably loves their new uniforms. Let’s check the tape here. David Yost is Missouri’s offensive coordinator. My dad’s hair looks exactly like this, except it’s white.


At least I know what I’m wearing to my live draft this year.

I will be interviewing Joe Bryant of FootballGuys next week, from a distance because of the whole restraining order. Oh, you thought I did my interviews over e-mail because I was lazy? Thank you and goodnight.

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